We recently had a donor come into our clinic for a drug test. He was accompanied by his friend, I guess for moral support, both looked to be about 18-20 years old. The first specimen we were given was way too cold, so the donor was told he would have to try again. When someone tries to cheat a drug test, we move them to an isolated waiting room. We do this because over the years we discovered “friends” would show up at our clinic and give the cheater some more clean urine. We separated this donor from his friend so they couldn’t pull off any such shenanigans. The donor’s friend must have suffered separation anxiety, because he was pacing all around the main waiting room. He would come up to the window where the First Choice Staff was working and ask us questions. He asked us everything from “do you like you jobs collecting pee all day” and “do you guys test for STD’s”(we do not, some samples just aren’t worth collecting). As he was talking to us, he was spending a lot of time looking down at our consent forms and playing with our pen attached to the lectern where donors sign in.

Meanwhile, his friend had tried cheating 3 more times with no success! He kept giving us cold urine, which begs the question, how much cold pee did this kid have? Eventually the donor and his worried friend left without giving us a good sample. We reported it as a refusal, which has the same consequences as a positive drug test. When the next donor came in and signed a consent form, he turned it over and saw a note on the back that said “F&#K this Place” in giant letters. It was clearly written by our cheater’s curious friend who spent a lot of time playing with the consent forms. The donor who picked it up swore that he didn’t write it and we told him no worries because we knew who the culprit was. This just goes to show that we are often seen as the “bad guy”; the ones drug users blame for their own addictions. Instead of slandering our place of business, they should have been channeling those efforts to staying clean and sober.